Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
