I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
