and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
