Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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