His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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