We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Text me some of your sweat
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
