dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize