So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
