The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
