marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
