i think my tv is drunk
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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