Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
