why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize