well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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