So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
