Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
