All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
