Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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