On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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