I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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