got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize