so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
