Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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