Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
so much tequila, so little girl.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
