what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize