she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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