mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
