their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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