Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
