dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
