You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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