I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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