just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
