Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
