we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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