Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
