Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
