So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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