Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i would one night stand the shit outta him
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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