I think my fart just growled at me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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