My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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