It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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