I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
