On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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