Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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