I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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