I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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