what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
