no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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