Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
