There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
