Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
