he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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