You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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