you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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