She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it glows. i had to have it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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