No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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