I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
