dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
