DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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