2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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