brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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