the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
