I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
