just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize