Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
