I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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