I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
