Screwed.edu
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
