I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
