maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
