you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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