Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
