Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
