everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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