I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
