i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
