I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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