I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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