Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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