y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No subtext here. People are naked.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
