my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
