I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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