Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
