I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
