i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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