Your tits are I can't wait for
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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