I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
