By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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