I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
