I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
