I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
