dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
