Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
