I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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