I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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