This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
birth control should be required to get into college
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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