i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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