before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
