best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
