You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
