We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
