What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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