an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
